dreams

i had a dream this morning.
the dream still gives me distinct and striking mental images even till now. it's still fresh and vivid in my mind. usually dreams are forgettable for me.

Scene 1: the CNY gathering
I'm in this room with my relatives and unidentified people. Feeling of something missing. We are seated on plastic chairs lined in circles. I think 3 circles. I suddenly realized great grandma was beside me. I started clinging on to her arm, just like when i was little. I asked, "So are you really here?". She replied, "Only some of you can see me.". I was smiling endlessly. She started pointing out who could see her.

All of a sudden, an elderly man appears. He's partially bald and dressed in dull clothes unlike our bright new year frocks. He wants to take her seat. I'm frantic! I can't let him sit where she is! I lead him to the restroom then return to my seat. She's gone.

Scene 2: Phototaking
We almost never had a family photo together with great grandma. As far as i can remember.

Scene 3: Heading to somewhere cold
We all start moving. Pushing metal trolleys with trays of foodstuff. Someone comments it reminds us of how great grandma was wheeled out. There's this food factory now which is totally irrelevant to whatever that has happened. Frozen prawns etc....

YAY! :)

just one more paper to go...

i feel like one of those many trampled flowers already

reminds me of a song:

Like a Rose trampled on the ground

You took the fall and thought of me

Above all

The grass withers and the flowers fall,
but the word of our God stands forever

ISAIAH 40:8

sweet memories

missing mother
at times like this, i wished time would stop.

talking about ah tai, her favourite smelly beans we had for dinner. reminds me when i was little, pushing the metal trolley in shop n save at century square. watching fish being cleaned and gutted.

after the shopping trip, ah tai asking me to get a cup of corn or muah chee. maybe thats why i've got a sweet and salty tooth. going home hand in hand. that was how weekends were spent. when i was young.

though it seemed then like routined activities on weekends, those are the memories that i cherish and hold dear to my heart. for i know, those times cannot be bought or take place again..

rest in peace

we will meet again

goodbye

you left us on friday night 

it was so sudden

the only saving grace 

is that you are at peace 

you'll be missed

I will rise from waters deep

Into the saving arms of God

I will sing salvation songs

Jesus Christ has set me free

reflection

there was a time,

when there was still a tomorrow

but tomorrow with you now 

might just disappear 

before i can see you 

and eat with you

i regret

it was easy to say 

there is a tomorrow

now

it's difficult to enjoy 

what i could give you 

yesterday

perfect love casts out all fear

been desperately trying to get blogger to allow me posting of photos... my toolbar thingy has disappeared! :(

Hebrews 13:5 (The Message)

Don't be obsessed with getting more material things. Be relaxed with what you have. Since God assured us, "I'll never let you down, never walk off and leave you," we can boldly quote, God is there, ready to help; I'm fearless no matter what. Who or what can get to me?


this morning, this spoke louder than my thoughts..
shall keep in mind.

days have been passing pretty slowly...

let's see, only 4.

seems like 4 months...

i trust and will hold on. i know you will.

{school}

days have been blue, without you.

baaaa-taaaam

SETH'S 1ST FISHING TRIP

he was THIS close to catching a fish!

one of the best pictures on the trip ;)

Thanks to MY photography skills, and umm.. lightroom of course!
It was a really wobbly wooden structure. SEEMED stable before i stood on it.

OVERWHELMED

i looked as if i could cry at that point.
i never ever thought i would catch a fishling at that murky pond with dubious bait.
almost didn't have strength to hold the rod when the fish was putting up a struggle. yelling for asile to STOP taking photos and help meeee! after all was over, it was WORTH IT ;)

MY PRIZE!

after this photo, when i was asking A what we're gonna do with the catch, indo-guy happily tossed it back to its home. so much for prizes.........

FIRST TIME :O

according to onlookers, i was travelling like a turtle in the "hare and turtle" race. i felt i did a pretty slow and steady job on this one! heh. got remarkable bruises at my knees as i clung onto the crumbling kart for my dear life......

after a rare saturday lunch...

Gran: You see, her hair is covering one eye again. Asile you better hold her hand in case she falls.

Nat and Asile start gaping. We both mask that expression quickly with a uncertain smile.

saturday night was spent entertaining or being entertained by customers:

"i don't want this table! i called up very early to book you know? here so hot and stuffy... i called yesterday."

"eh miss, your free lobster on diet ah? so skinny, so little meat..."

"wah this pen so nice, i like. can i have it?"

lasting

i can't help

but to look

try to remember

every second together

i knew this moment

would arrive i realising 

that time is short 

and soon you will 

be gone for awhile

how i would 

miss you embrace

comforting voice when

i am down

reminiscing 

at photos

just brings

tears to my

eyes

how i wish

you didn't

need to go

naive, i know

time 

never

felt

this

precious

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.
Because He lives, All fear is gone.
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living just because He lives.

 in times of joy and in times of sorrow, in times of failure and in times of triumph. I promise to cherish and respect you, to care and protect you, to comfort and encourage you, and stay with you, for all eternity

i've seen less of this, and somewhat don't trust fully it can happen.

Would someone prove me otherwise?

this is to....

someone,

who never fails to make me laugh

someone, 

who is there when i fall

someone, 

who listens with the heart

i know i can count on that someone.

A Moment like this. 
Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this. 
Some people search forever for that one special kiss. 
I cant believe its happening to me. 
Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this. 

counting down the days, i know that date is drawing near. i don't wanna be foolish but i want to enjoy the moments now, and not regret.

i promise to do my best.

i was made that way and would have to do so to honor my creator for such abilities. 

i don't want to forget today, or every moment ever. even the solemn ones that barely last. 

a birthday

i see a change.

for all i know, my real dad would very well take a backseat and title of non-existance.

no hard feelings

it was just a fantasy

that i thought things would change for the better

i'm glad it's over and i know the truth

my ignorance and unrealistic dreams

i love to know, that i have one true Father

One of many names, but just one heart 

that loves me 

truly

Surely children weren't made for the streets
And Fathers were not made to leave
Surely this isn't how it should be
Let Your kingdom come
Surely nations were not made for war
Or the broken and due to be ignored
Surely this couldn't be what You saw
Let Your kingdom come
Here in my heart
And I will live to carry your compassion
To love a world that's broken
To be your hands and feet
And I will give with the life that I've been given
And go beyond religion to see the world be changed
By the power of Your Name
The power of Your Name
Surely life wasn't made to regret
And the lost were not made to forget
Surely faith without action is dead
Let Your Kingdom come
Lord break this heart
Jesus Your Name
Is a shelter for the hurting
Your Name
Is a refuge the weak
Only Your Name
Can take the undeserving
Jesus Your Name
Holds everything I need

from two to one

Sweet Sundays

i really love this day. 

I don't want this day to end, 

for it means, Mundane Monday will appear shortly. 

Dreadfully long days usually.. when Tuesday arrives, and Monday ends. 

i just can't believe Monday has ended

i spend the entire morning moping around in school. 

Suddenly my face lights up and realizes its Tuesday! 

i start looking forward to Wednesday. 

It arrives and im just dying for Friday to come. 

Thursday can be short on odd weeks and sickening on even weeks. 

When Friday arrives, im too excited for the weekend! 

Fridays are short and at night 

i realize i've not prepared for piano class. 

Start panicking(lie around in bed, watching tv, facebooking..) 

Sat comes and i'm happy for the first part. 

Night arrives, and i get the 'weekend-is-ending" feeling. 

i make the best out of Sat night  

going through schoolwork and try to get to bed early 

so Sunday comes faster. 

Sunday. 

After church, 'blue Monday' syndrome crops up

Lethargy sets in after lunch

Sunday afternoons 

i want them to last

Even when i fail you

i know You love me

twists and turns of fate

In his heart, a man plans his course, 

but the Lord determines his steps.

Proverbs 16:7

THE GREATEST GIFT 

God did not have to give us

the beauty that we behold.

It was not required of Him

to show how His glory would unfold.

He could have given us dirt:

with no sun, no moon, no rain.

He could have placed us in a world

all ugly, black, and plain.

But God loved us so much more than that;

He did not want life to be bland.

He spread sunshine on this world we know,

and green grass across the land.

He planted flowers in the open field,

and trees on the rolling hill.

He shattered the night with moonlight;

sprinkled sparkling stars at will.

He scooped the deep blue ocean;

with His finger carved the stream.

Placed the bluebird on the sheltering branch;

gave us life beyond all dream.

He breathed life into every creature

from the greatest to the small.

Created man in His own image

that on God's name he should call.

When man turned his back on the Father,

God did not leave him lost.

He gave us the choice to come back to Him

when Jesus paid our cost.

The greatest gift God gave us

was the blessing of His Son,

Who gave His life on Calvary,

so our salvation could be won.

If you give your life to Jesus,

and release to Him each part,

He will flood your soul with happiness;

give you peace within your heart.

God gave us all these things in life

that our eyes to Him we would lift.

Then He gave us life eternal

through Jesus, His Greatest Gift. 

Phyllis D. Jolliff, DreamPoet

© 1998 by Phyllis D. Jolliff

All Rights Reserved

Used by Permission

trying is never enough

that's what i've concluded.

most of the time, trying is not trying unless results show. 

maybe i've not tried as conscientiously as i should have, but should i be denied the recognition that i ever did?

Or this lecture is meant to wake me up the thousand-and-one time, since you know better?

Yes, i will show you what you want to see. But lost some respect of you after you disregarded respect for others. 

And you wondered why others always said you forced me into things. Which you have, but have denied blatantly. 

Have you forgotten or thought that you already brainwashed me into thinking so?

 

cutie! 

mummys birthday!

It's 13 march! 

Long day today, went for china studies paper and after writing furiously for 2 hours, tim and i headed to chinatown. had lovely braised duck rise with liver and tofu. YUMMMY!

After which, cabbed to Ann Siang Rd to collect mummys' birthday cake! Cabbed home and i was exhausted!  

Mum's the strongest person i've known thus far. Thanks mum for being there to raise us :)

love, your three nasty rascals...

BLOCKTESTS!

I felt a need to add on to my collection of stationary yesterday so i can make studying:

Effective

Efficient

Fun

School has been taxing and March hols are just next week! It felt like the beginning of Feb just yesterday, when i was looking forward to the March break. Sadly, it's going to be occupied with studying of Economics. Which is one of my favorite subjects now :D

So, i guess it's back to the books now.. first paper is TOMORROW!

 
Yesterday was my last crosscountry. By the time my classmates and i reached the 'FINISH LINE', it was being dismantled. Let's see, an hour long walk compared to the fastest runner of the year, who clocked a timing of 13.7 mins. No wonder it was being taken down already...

Though i didn't sweat it out as compared to the rest, i felt i deserved a grande caramel frappuccino anyways :) After which, adjourned to my house so i could shower, and head for a Jap buffet lunch. At least i burnt some calories warming up muscles from walking an hour at ECP. And i didn't finish my frappuccino!

Today was the last chapel of Term 1. Somewhat significant. Knowing my stay in SA is close to an end. Just two full terms to go. Today as we sang our School Hymn, marking the end of a term, i was convinced i came to the right place after all. A place that had a history, identity and a tradition. Hope this SAINTS spirit will continue to live on and bring the warmth to many hearts!

This morning, as i was coming to school, a friend made me be reminded on how important it was to count our blessings. By the way, i have to cross this HIGH overhead bridge. He commented on how it was better for us to cross it in the coolness of the morning when going to school, rather than in the afternoon when it was really warm. These 2 years+, i never really thought of it as a blessing but rather whined in my head.

 Frightfully delightful! Surprise from an old friend. 

'Grizzly'

shining bright always. 

  An old song with an impact:

Nothing you can do, 

could make Him love you more

And nothing you've done,

could make Him close the door

Because of His great love,

He gave His only Son

Everything was done,

               so you would come                  

Rare chance to see such a rainbow. 

It reminded me how often it felt like heavy rain but by enduring to the end, a beautiful rainbow would be formed.

dull moments

i can't stand being emo about this, but i think i'd really miss you. i stood there waiting for you to look back, but by the time you did, i was observing from afar. i love you my friend.

ONLY YOU...

can stand my tantrums and put me in place,

know what i need to hear at specific moments,

read my thoughts,

think the way i do sometimes,

eat what i feel like having. 

BLACK DAY vs VDAY

Black Day (April 14) is a South Korean informal tradition for single people (a.k.a. Unit Solo/Solo Regiment, lee: 솔로부대) to get together and eat Jajangmyeon (noodles with black bean sauce), sometimes a white sauce is mixed for those who did not celebrate White Day.

The idea is that those who did not give or receive gifts on Valentine's Day or White Day can get together and eat Jjajangmyeon (짜장면), white Korean noodles with black bean sauce (hence the name), to commiserate their 

singledom.

(Saint) Valentine's Day is a holiday celebrated on February 14 by many people throughout the world. In the West, it is the traditional day on which lovers express their love for each other by sending Valentine's cards, presenting flowers, or offering confectionery.

VDAY ended with company from a long-time bestie. okay maybe not long LONG but long enough. Hate to be caught up with the craze of importance of event, what's the use if love and joy is just another activity...

the weekend is half gone, meaning back to dreary days at school. with half of Feb gone, it just scares me...

delightful breakfast :)